Everyday Lessons

I know it's been a while. I guess life sometimes gets in the way of our best intentions. I have had some amazing Grandma Rita experiences in the last week or so and I want to make sure that I write them down.

Last week, Jeron was playing at a friend's house and accidentally broke a lava lamp that the boy had just purchased with his own saved money. Although it was an accident, the little boy felt really sad and mad, and Jeron felt bad because he didn't mean to do it. The mom of the little boy was frustrated because it included red liquid on her carpet and wall. Sometimes, the mama bear comes out in me and I just want to protect my own. After all, it was an accident. Let's all just get over it. Then I remembered a lesson that I learned many times from Grandma Rita: "People are more important than things." I talked to Jeron about how the little boy must have felt and how he would feel if someone broke something of his...even if it was just an accident. I got to share with Jeron an experience that I had with Grandma Rita and the lesson I learned.

A long time ago, I was getting ready to go to college. I had a boyfriend, and he was getting ready to go to college, too. When he was going through his belongings, he found some model rockets and launchers. He didn't want them anymore, but he thought that Uncle Timmy and Uncle Robbie might like to have them. One day he brought them over to our little apartment on Timothy Way. He showed them to Tim and Rob and explained how they worked and what they would need to do to launch the rockets. At some point, someone misunderstood the explanation and hit the launch button. One of the rockets took off in our living room, flying to and fro, hitting everything in its path. It was loud and scary. Auntie Holly cried. Grandma had run into the room by the time the rocket had stopped and the dust had settled. The first words out of her mouth were, "Is everyone okay?" She didn't get mad. She didn't yell. She didn't ask what had happened. She was most concerned about whether everyone was all right. She took Holly in her arms and comforted her while the rest of us assessed the damage. My boyfriend apologized profusely. Grandma just said, "It's okay. As long as everyone is fine." The rocket put a hole in one of Grandma's paintings, burned the carpet and singed the couch. My boyfriend kept apologizing. "It's okay. Those are just things. You kids are way more important than any of those things. I'm glad that the rocket didn't hit one of you!" And that was the end of it. We straightened the painting, cut the burn out of the carpet and threw a pillow over the singe in the couch. She never said another word about any of it. She taught through her words and her actions that people really are more important than things.

Jeron and I decided that he and his friend are way more important that the lava lamp that was broken. We made a deal to split the cost of a new one and we took it over to make a little boy very happy.

I consider what might have happened if we'd just taken a "Get over it" attitude: the little boy would still be sad and mad, the mom would still be frustrated and we might have lost some really good friends. Making the boy happy and the mom less frustrated and keeping our good friends was definitely worth the price we paid for a new lava lamp! Thanks, Grandma Rita, for teaching us that people are more important than things.

Things Left Behind

Mom was always organizing. She loved buckets and bins and drawers and her label-maker. Organization seemed to be a process for her, more than a destination. With that in mind, I expect that I will never reach my goal of complete organization. I wonder if, where she is, she ever considers the things she left behind in this world. How does the saying go? "You can't take it with you?" (So, I wonder why I spend so much time organizing the things that will be left behind? Perhaps because I still must live in this world and living requires some things.) We only get to take the things that we've learned and the relationships we've built, right? Well, in that case, my mother left this world a very rich woman. But she also left others, especially me, with wonderful earthly treasures, reminders of who she is and how she lived her life, and, from my perspective, some tools to help me live better. Without knowing it, she has and will continue to come to the rescue with the things that she left behind.

She left behind her temple clothing. Aunt Arva has a friend of little means who is trying to prepare to attend the temple for the first time. I was able to give Arva some of the newest items to give to this sister. Arva is using Mom's temple dresses, as she is a worker in the Reno Temple and usually goes another day during the week, too. Mom kept Grandma Mellor's dresses for all of these years. I imagine the both of them saying, "My word, girls, give those things to someone who will benefit from them and use them!" So, I did. Grandma's dresses will benefit the Spanish-speaking sisters in the Spanish Branch in Fallon. I imagine that Grandma Mellor and Mom will both be filled with joy when their dresses and other clothing are worn to the temple.

I have been very protective of Mom's things. It is not because I want to keep them for myself. It is because I know that she would want them to be of benefit to others, not just taken to the dump or thrown out.

Jeron had a habitat project a couple of weeks ago. He chose an owl. Well, owls eat mice and Grandma just happened to have all the makings of furry little mice in her sewing closet. I thought of how much she loves Jeron and how thrilled she must be to know that the little mice supplies she's held on to all of these years were there when Jeron needed them.

I am thinking about this today because I have started going through boxes. I came across a book that may just help me out with my defiant little fit thrower. I thought to myself, "It's almost like she knew I would need this and left it right here for me to find in my time of need." She couldn't take these things with her, but I'm sure glad that she had them in her life and that she left them for my benefit and the benefit of others. I hope you each have something that reminds you of Grandma and how much she loves you. If I have anything that belonged to her that would help you in your lives, please don't hesitate to say something!

Memory Monday #16

Grandma wanted to live long enough so that her grandkids would remember her. I write Memory Monday to help the grandkids remember and know Grandma. Davis is the youngest grandchild that Grandma knew on this earth. I have often, sadly, said that his memories of Grandma will be few. Maybe, hopefully, I am wrong. Davis went to the bookshelf last night to get a book for a story. He proudly brought me one of Grandma's Numa yearbooks and said, pointing to a picture on the front, "Gammah, Gammah, Gammah!" I looked at the picture, and sure enough, it was Grandma! We have never looked at that book. I don't know that he's ever seen that particular picture of Grandma. We looked at the yearbook and Davis found Grandma on every page where there was a picture of her. My friend Mindy says that Grandma probably hangs out with Davis more than with the rest of us, and he probably sees her better than we do. I like that idea and I believe it. She is making sure that Davis remembers her. I, too, will make sure that Davis and the rest of the grandkids remember her.

Memory Monday #15

Grandma had the fastest sewing machine in the west. Now I have it, and oh, how grateful I am! Grandma could sew anything: wool coats, suits, prom dresses, t-shirts, blankets, patched knees, pajamas, Christmas stockings, shorts, etc. Her products were perfect and amazing. Almost like buying them at the store...only better...no flaws, ever. Here are some shirts she sewed for us for our family picture...pretty cute, huh? You'll notice that those are full-blown collars, the boys open to the left and the girls to the right...because that is how you do it, all of the lines match up perfectly, and there are snaps. She's good.

It's interesting, when you're faced with the death of a very prominent loved one, the things that you worry about and wonder about. When I knew that Grandma's time on earth would be cut shorter than I had planned, I worried about who would do my sewing and mending. I guess that deep in the back of my mind, I knew I would have to step up. See, Grandma not only sewed for me, she also taught me a few things along the way. I can sew because she let me sew (I only broke a few needles on that old Singer) and she was always there to lend a hand. Although I would much prefer to have her here to do my sewing for me, that was not to be. I am, however, grateful for the tools she left me: a fabulous machine, a closet full of supplies, lessons, and experiences never to be forgotten. So, now I wonder...do they sew in Heaven? It was an earthly talent that Grandma developed well and that she loved...I just wonder if she still gets to sew?

Yesterday I decided it was time to get the patches on the scout uniforms. I've only been a leader for four months and Jeron had his first den meeting last night. I have dreaded putting the patches on. I couldn't help but think what an easy task it would be for Grandma. So many times like this, I long for her to be here and say, "Bring them over. I'll take care of it." But, again, she did not leave me helpless. I have the machine and I have the experience, so I set to work. Can I just say...easy, peasy!? I know the machine made a huge difference, but I also like to think I got a bit of her talent, too! Just LOOK at those patches! Thanks, Grandma, for the machine, but mostly for the talent you passed on.

Happy Anniversary

Because of sacred temple ordinances, families can be together forever. Since Grandma and Grandpa were sealed for eternity in the Manti Temple on August 24, 1968, today we celebrate the first 41 years of their eternal marriage. We also look forward with faith to their reunion and an eternity of family togetherness. I am grateful for "...choice parents, who saw the wisdom of going to the temple so that (I) might be brought into this world under the temple covenants, so that (I) belong to eternal family that will go for many generations..." I am grateful to "...have been raised under the influence of the gospel by (my) parents, and taught its principles..." Grandma and Grandpa have continued a legacy of obedience to temple covenants started by our pioneer ancestors. They have given us the necessary teachings and example, that we might continue that legacy. May our eternal family truly go for many generations. This is the responsibility that is now ours.

Families can be together forever,

Through Heavenly Father's plan.
I always want to be

With my own family.
And the Lord has shown me how I can.

The Lord has shown me how I can.

What a blessing to know that ours is an eternal family. Thank you, Grandma & Grandpa, and Happy Anniversary!

From our 40th Anniversary Celebration

Memory Monday #14

I spent a week in Southern Utah a couple of weeks ago with Jeron, Jadee and Davis. Nothing like a venue change to stir up a whole new set of memories! Davis and I had the opportunity to drive to Richfield from Panguitch to have dinner with Stacee and Jamie. This stretch of 89 the Heywood kids know very well. We travelled it often on trips between Fayette and Panguitch. I haven't driven that road for...well, a VERY long time. Can't remember the last time... This time, as I headed through Circleville, made a sharp right, then a sharp left through town, I was reminded of one of the great faith-promoting experiences of my youth.

Grandma had a lot of faith. She knew that Heavenly Father lives and she had all the faith in the world that He hears and answers prayers. On one return trip from Fayette to Panguitch, Grandma forgot to gas up before we left. We were just miles north of Circleville when she realized that she was running on fumes. So, she did what you're not supposed to do when you're running low on fuel and you're only a few miles from a gas station: she pulled over and turned off the car. Her faith was great. She believed that if she reverently and respectfully prayed, she would be able to start the car and make it to her destination on the fumes. So, we all bowed our heads, folded our arms and Grandma prayed that we would make it. She started the car back up and headed toward the nearest fuel source. Of course, her prayer was heard and answered and we made it without a problem.

Isn't it interesting the experiences we remember from our growing up years? What a blessing to have a mother with faith, a mother who never missed an opportunity to teach her children by her example that God lives, loves us and answers our pleas. As usual, I have many faith promoting experiences I could share about Grandma. How many times did she ask us, "Would you like me to fast for you?" And then there are the countless times that she prayed for us for every reason under the sun. So, please share an experience of Grandma and faith.

"...yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."

Alma 56:47-48

I do not doubt my mother knew it.

Note: This picture is driving south on 89 at about where I think we probably were when Grandma realized she had no gas!

Memory Monday #13

The practice song in Relief Society today was "Each Life That Touches Ours for Good." I haven't heard or sung that song since Grandma's funeral and I was totally caught off-guard. After they announced it, I sat there wondering if I should sing, leave, ignore...I finally just tried to sing, but was so overcome with emotion that by the end, I had to leave anyway. I want to share the words of the song here because they are so fitting to our Grandma and the way she lived her life.

Each life that touches ours for good

Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;

Thou sendest blessings from above

Thru words and deeds of those who love.

What greater gift dost thou bestow,

What greater goodness can we know

Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways

Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

When such a friend from us departs,

We hold forever in our hearts

A sweet and hallowed memory,

Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior's name

Who bless our days with peace and love,

We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

What can I say more? I believe that Karen Lynn Davidson could very well have written this song just for Grandma. May we each live our lives to be the kind of friend Grandma was, to bless others' lives, to enrich others' days, to be devoted to our Savior.

The scripture that is listed with this song is D&C 42:45-46. I especially like verse 46: "And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them."

I believe that death was sweet for Grandma, for she was a righteous and devoted follower of Christ. I am grateful for this knowledge and promise. I am grateful for the example that Grandma left for us.

Memory Monday #12

Generous. Grandma is one of the most generous people I have ever known. Her children have learned well...but that is another topic for another day. I'm sure that every person who reads this post will have some story to add about how generous Grandma has been to them...actually, you will each probably have a number of stories, but one will suffice.

Grandma was especially generous with her grandkids. Some might say that she bordered on spoiling them. I suppose that if she did, it was her earned right. I certainly wasn't ever going to complain. I know Jeron and Jadee revelled in her generosity. They knew they could go to her with their hearts' desires and she would always do what she could to grant them. It should be noted that "do what she could" sometimes meant giving jobs for them to earn the money themselves or matching what they already had. You see, she was a great teacher of ownership and responsibility, too.

I was reminded last week of Grandma's generosity during a conversation I had with Jeron. I was talking to Jeron and Jadee about Patti and explaining her role in our family. Jeron thought for a moment and then said, "I sure hope that she's as nice as our Grandma. And if I recall correctly, whenever I went to the store with Grandma, we always went to the toy aisle and she let me pick out a toy." Our Grandma certainly is nice. And, she's generous, too.

Lest you think that her generosity stopped at spoiling the grandkids, I have come up with a little list, in no particular order, of other things she regularly did:

1. generously tipped food service people...especially young moms

2. put money in envelopes for more people than we are aware of

3. worked to put her kids through college and on missions

4. sent cards with money for all holidays to anyone she thought might need a little extra, mostly her children

5. paid bills for people who couldn't pay them for themselves

6. donated all kinds of household goods to charitable organizations

7. bought Christmas for many families over many years

8. gave away washers and dryers and furniture and cars to children who were just getting started, or were otherwise in need

9. let Grandpa spend a lot of money on a motorcycle because she knew it would bring him happiness

10. she was most generous with her time...she spent as much time as she could with her grandkids, helping out their parents when they had other things they needed or wanted to do

11. always invited people for Sunday and holiday dinners, including her children (I must say here that I spent a lot less money on food when we lived 2 miles from Grandma(0:)

12. how many times have each of us heard, "If you need some help, you just need to tell me."

13. she shared her many talents with many willing recipients

14.

So, all you readers of this little blog...please fill in #14 in the comments section. The longer I sit, the longer the list would be...but I will save some for you.

Memory Monday #11

Jeron gave a talk in primary yesterday. I wrote most of it...but he contributed what it means to have faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus: "To know that they're real and the promises they make are true." He shared a story about Grandma and tithing.

Grandma always paid tithing first, no matter what. Maybe Grandpa can share a comment about how he and Grandma gained a testimony of tithing. What I know is that they always paid it, even when they didn't know how they would pay the rest of the bills.

When Holly was born, she spent a lot of time in the hospital and had many surgeries. She was an expensive baby, and well worth every single penny. I remember one month, Grandma didn't know how she would pay all the bills. There just didn't seem to be enough money. She paid her tithing first and left the rest to the Lord. A short time later, she and Grandpa received a check in the mail from the Navy. Apparently, they owed him some money that he didn't know about. Heavenly Father inspired the Navy to pay that money just when it was needed most. Grandpa can correct me if I have the details confused.Because of Grandma's example and teachings, I believe that all of her children pay their tithing faithfully (if any of you don't, consider this a call to repentance). Grandma's answer to financial situations we may have been in or questions we may have had: "Pay your tithing and you'll be just fine." As we have paid our tithing, we have always been just fine. We have never gone without the things that we need, and even much of what we want. Heavenly Father has always poured out his blessings on us.

"Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings...Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."

--Malachi 3:8, 10

Memory Monday #10

Grandma is a woman of many talents. Since today is Davis's birthday, and I have spent the day decorating a Thomas the Tank cake, I was reminded of Grandma's cake decorating talent. She is a great cake decorator. She has a steady hand and an eye for detail. She made many a happy birthday for her children with her beautiful cakes. She made cakes for retirements and changes of command. I will let her work speak for itself. I only wish that photography technology from way back then could really do her and her cakes justice.

Each rosette was made by hand.
The special message was also scripted on each cake in her unmistakable handwriting.

I wish you could see the detail of the tiny little roses that covered this little doll's dress and even her little pony-tail holders. I LOVED that cake...probably my all-time favorite. Interestingly enough, something happened to the skirt part of this cake...the side fell in when it was baking, or a child got to it...I don't really remember. No one was the wiser...Grandma was really good at fixing things like that.

Holly's first birthday...Big Bird never looked so good!

Grandma hand-decorated the NAS Fallon seal, the anchors and the stars.

I included this one not for the cake, but for Grandma's bright smile. Her cakes were just one way she shared her talents and smiles with those around her. At the end of the parable of the talents, the Lord says to the servants who doubled their talents, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." I imagine that Grandma has heard those sweet words of aprobation from our Lord, for she truly multiplied the talents she was given on this earth. Go, and do likewise.

Memory Monday #9

I am so grateful that not a day goes by that Grandma isn't a part of my life. Some days I think of sharing an experience with her. Other days I think of some bit of advice she would give me. And still other days I think of funny things she said or did. I especially love the nights when she's in my dreams. Every day it is something, and for that I am very grateful.

About a month ago, I was missing Grandma's hugs. Funny thing...she never was much for hugging until she married into the "Hugging Heywood Family". I'd say that by the time she left this earth, she could hug with the best of them! Many people who knew her well commented about her hugs and how much they looked forward to those hugs. When I think of Grandma's hugs, I think soft, unfeigned, complete embrace. If I ponder really hard, I can still feel what a Grandma hug feels like. When I was shorter than she was, she would squeeze me under her shoulder like a mother hen covers her chick with her wing, then she'd kiss me on top of the head. I especially like this picture right now because it shows how she would squeeze me in.

There's nothing more comforting in all the world than a mother's unconditional embrace.

During the time that I was missing those hugs so desperately, I had a dream about her. In my dream, I was the grateful recipient of another of Grandma's hugs. It was very real and has helped me as I ponder to be able to feel what it felt like to be embraced by my mom. She hugged me a lot growing up, making it easy for me to dream that reality and remember the feeling. We don't know what tomorrow will bring, so let's hug our kids and loved ones as much as we can today, so they'll be able to feel it if ever we are absent from one another. Grandma would...she did.

Memory Monday #8

2006

Grandma loves flowers. Petunias, roses, purple pansies, marigolds, snapdragons. I don't really think that there is a flower that Grandma doesn't like. Jadee and I planted our garden on Saturday. Jadee planted petunias, because they are Grandma's favorite. She kept reminding me that she picked petunias because they're Grandma's favorite. I want the grandkids to remember that Grandma loves flowers. She worked hard every year to have a beautiful yard and flower beds. I want Jeron and Jadee to remember the years that they got to help plant the flowers. Grandma loved to plant flowers with her grandkids. Grandma also loved to send and receive cut flowers from the florist. Her favorite flower from the florist was the carnation. She liked her flowers full and beautiful. Flowers are a way that we can improve our little corners of the world. Grandma always had a beautiful corner. Jadee and I will have a beautiful corner this year...and hopefully for many years to come. And every time we look at our petunias, we'll think of Grandma and how she made our lives beautiful, too.

2008

Memory Monday #7

I was humbled yesterday by a memory I had of Grandma. I remember when she was the organist for the Fallon 2nd Ward. I don't know the whole story...maybe Dad can help me out with this. From my perspective, she struggled with that calling. She was a pianist, not an organist. We didn't have an organ for her to practice on, so if she wanted to practice, she had to take time to go to the church to play the organ there. I also believe that they wanted her to be there early to play prelude. That was sometimes a struggle for her, and I don't think she had a lot of help from whichever of her children was still at home then. I don't know that anyone ever openly criticized her playing. Knowing how we Mormons can sometimes be, however, it wouldn't surprise me. I remember more than once thinking, "My word, Mother, what's the big deal? Just do your best and that will do." I'm sure I never vocalized this thought, at least not so plainly.

So, yesterday I was called to be the Ward Choir Director. When I was issued the call, I simply said, "I don't want to be the Ward Choir Director. But, let me tell you why." It just so happens that our ward is full of musically talented people, who are also opinionated and critical. They are also in the choir. I led the choir for the Christmas Cantata last year, so I know this first-hand. Not being sure that I wanted to open myself up to that criticism, I tearfully shared that with Brother Cannon. I also shared that I am not a trained choir director, I am a drum major...that means I lead the band, not the choir. As I was imparting all of this, I thought of Grandma and her calling to play the organ. You see, even though she didn't want to and it was hard for her, she still did it. I thought of thinking, "My word, Mother..." and thought she must be looking down saying the same thing, "My word, Heidi, it's not that big of a deal. Just do you your best and that will do." Well, Brother Cannon and I decided we'd both think about it and get back together later. I decided that I would heed my mother's counsel (for I'm sure that that's what she would have said to me) and that I would accept the call and do the best I could do...criticizers be damned (in the "stopped" sense of the word). I wouldn't be doing it for them, anyway.

Isn't it interesting how easy it is to judge others until we are put in their shoes? I am grateful for that memory of Grandma, but mostly I am grateful for the example she set in persevering in a task that was difficult for her. "If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, thou shalt be saved in the Kingdom of God..." D&C 6:13 Grandma did good and she was faithful. May we also do good and hold out faithful...even amidst the criticism of those who have never trod in our shoes.

#6...the Rest of the Story

The particular traveling lesson that I was referring to is eating snacks while traveling. We get in the car...even just to go to town...and my children think they need to have a snack! So, imagine what a trip to Utah is like. I recall Mom making the observation one time while driving somewhere with me...my children were "hungry," supposedly, and complainging that they needed something to eat. She said, "Well, they've been trained in true Grandma Rita fashion!" We didn't travel anywhere without having a little something to munch along the way. I suppose it makes the time go faster. So, here's to Grandma and her travel snacks! Long live travel snacks!

Memory Monday #6

I missed last week...not because I didn't have a memory, but because I was in the middle of deciding to make this blog private and transfer everything over here. No worries...the memories are back!

This week, I have a question for my dad and siblings: What did Mom teach us to do when we traveled in the car for any distance? Please leave your answers in the comments section and I will update this post in a few days. Since we took a road trip to Utah this week, and I realized that my children have been trained in true Rita Heywood fashion, I wondered if my memories of traveling with Mom are the same as yours?

Memory Monday #5

It's a happy feeling for me to realize that I will probably never run out of memories to share. There have been times in the last 5 weeks that I've been doing this when the thought has crossed my mind, "What if you can't think of something to write?" Grandma was so much a part of our lives that not a day goes by that I don't have a "Mom Moment" as I like to call them. They are the moments when I think of Grandma and something she would have said or done in whatever circumstance I find myself.

On Saturday, Grandpa, Jeremiah and I ran in a race in Fallon. Grandpa and I ran the 5K and Jeremiah ran a half marathon. Grandpa and I posted personal bests, Grandpa winning his age group, and Jeremiah also posted a personal best. It was a successful race day.

As Jeremiah was finishing his race, two hours after starting, I couldn't help but let out a Grandma "WOO HOO!" I think I actually yelled it out a number of times. I thought of Grandma and how she loved to watch her kids and grandkids in their sporting events. We always knew that she was there, because we could hear her: "WOO HOO! WOO HOO!" She was LOUD, and sometimes comical. But I don't think we were ever embarrassed, just happy that our mom was there to watch and cheer us on. I let out a few more woo hoos when Grandpa was awarded his winner's medal. (Unfortunately, I didn't have the camera...I didn't know he was the winner!) As I was yelling loudly and comically, I thought again of Grandma. I like to think that she's in heaven, still cheering us on in all that we do...and if we really listen during the important times, we'll hear her hollering "WOO HOO! WOO HOO!"

Jeron, I hope you'll always remember when Grandma would come to your T-ball games. She loved to watch you play...even though most of the time she was sick, AND T-ball is the slowest moving game known to man. Every time you did something, she yelled "WOO HOO! WOO HOO!"

Oh, how she loved to cheer us on! I can't wait to yell a few woo hoos for Timmy as he graduates from flight school this week...I'm sure Grandma will be yelling a few of her own. WOO HOO!

Memory Monday #4

This one is a hard one for me...it's something I miss so terribly about having Grandma around.

I had the great opportunity to attend the Reno Bridal & Beauty Expo as a vendor this weekend, marketing my photography to potential brides and their entourages. It was a lot of fun. I love photography and I love photographing weddings. Unfortunately, I am a perfectionist and photography is not cut and dry, perfect or not. It is an art form. This is somewhat unfamiliar territory for a left-brainer like me. My greatest weakness in photography is my lack of consistent confidence. That's where Grandma comes in. She was my greatest fan. (I'm sure that every one of her children and grandchildren and grandpa and most of her friends can say the same thing.)

She would look at my pictures before I gave them to the bride and say, "Oh, Heidi, they're beautiful!" And she would say it in such a way that no one would dare dispute it. "They're just gorgeous! They'll be so pleased with these." In those moments, I felt like a perfect photographer.

I remember when I showed Grandma these pictures. She was sitting in my pink chair and she looked at the whole album...I think there were at least 200 prints. She loved them and I felt so good about the work I'd done. I felt confident to give them to the bride and know that she would love them, too. I was a perfect photographer.

Of course, there are many other instances in many other situations that Grandma was my biggest fan. But this is the one that stands out today, the one I miss the most today. I'm meeting tomorrow with a bride from Carson City who's getting married on a yacht on Lake Tahoe on June 20. Some days I just need my mom to tell me I'm good, to make me feel like the perfect photographer I want to be. I am grateful to have had a fan as great as my mom in my life. It makes me want to be a great fan of my children and husband and siblings and dad and others with whom I associate. I may never be a perfect photographer, but I can aspire to be a perfect fan.

I know that all of my siblings are reading these...and rarely commenting...so I am inviting you to share how Grandma was your biggest fan. It's okay if you cry...no one will know unless you tell them. I've been crying the whole time I've been writing this.

Memory Monday #3

Sometimes I have to do things in my life that I don't necessarily anticipate with great joy or gladness. One of those things is coming up and I just can't stop thinking of Grandma and how she would always tell me, "Enjoy! Go, and ENJOY!" Another thing she would always say to me when I might be wishing something was over already or when I was having a tough time is "You'll pass this way but once." These were her little reminders to enjoy the ride, have fun on the way, get the most out of every moment. I have often found myself living for tomorrow, so-to-speak. Her wise words help me to live for today.

We have a wonderful family friend who is also our psychologist/counselor. I think he was the latter first and the former second...but now he is both, and we love him. In a conversation I had with him shortly after Grandma died, he told me that I know my mother very well and that I will almost always know exactly what she would tell me in any given situation. Those are comforting words to a momma's girl left without her momma to give her advice. So, today I know that Grandma would say, "Enjoy, go and ENJOY!" I will go and do the things my mother has commanded...and I would exhort you to do the same! You'll pass this way but once!

"Men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25

Memory Monday #2

I had an opportunity this week to give some things to a friend who needed them much more than I. It made me think of Grandma. She is a giver. She gave a lot of things to a lot of people. I want to tell you about one particular instance.

I have a friend who moved away with her little family to a different state. We were really close friends, so Grandma knew her well, too. One day, Grandma felt like she should put some money in an envelope and send it to my friend. (Grandma did that a lot...she liked to put money in envelopes and send them to people...Jeron and Dylan and Jadee will hopefully always remember cards with money in them from Grandma Rita.) Grandma didn't know that my friend really needed that money to be able to buy food for her kids, but Grandma did know how to listen to the Holy Ghost and follow His promptings. So, she found a little card and put a little money in it and sent it to my friend. It was the answer to her prayers.

Most of the time we never get to know the results of our service to others, but this time, Grandma got to know. My friend sent her a beautiful card telling of her situation and her prayers and how Grandma had answered them. Someday, when I find that card, I will share it with you. Until then, if you are blessed to have, be givers. You never know how you might bless the lives of those around you through your "gifts".

"O then how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another." Mosiah 4:21

Memory Monday

One of the things that saddens me most about my mom passing on is that my kids will never get to really know all about her first-hand. I know that one of her desires was to be around long enough for the grandkids to remember her. I'm sure that Jeron and Dylan will...Jadee will remember something...Maggie & Davis probably not so much. Though it is not my first choice, I suppose that second-hand will have to do. I have decided that every Monday I will write about a memory I have of my mom, so that they will be recorded for all the grandkids. I invite anyone else who has a memory or story they'd like to share to do so on their blog or in my comments on Memories Monday. Here goes the first installment...

Yesterday I attended church in Utah with my dear friend, Jamie. It's been a long time since I have been able to attend Sunday School and Relief Society, so the break was great and the Spirit was strong. The Relief Society lesson was on being a peacemaker. The teacher opened the discussion to the class to share examples from our lives of the peacemakers we know. Of course, I had the perfect example and the perfect experience to illustrate, but the subject matter is still a little too close to share with a bunch of people I don't know (so I'll share it here instead...at least if I don't know you, I don't know that I don't know you!).

(I will write as though I am sharing with my kids and niece and nephew...since this is mostly for them.)

Grandma is a peacemaker. She was also a school teacher. One of the reasons she was such a great school teacher is that she was a great peacemaker. Love and peace go hand-in-hand. She loved teaching and she loved every child who walked through her door. She even loved their parents, and she knew just how "handle" the hard ones.

After her first cancer diagnosis back in 1997, I took over for her as a substitute in her 1st grade class. She had a great group of kids that year and it was a lot of fun. There was one little girl in the class who was particularly bright and quite a busy-body. Her mom was as busy as the little girl, and she caused me a lot of grief with phone calls and visits to the classroom. This little girl, it seemed to her mother, did no wrong. I didn't know how to handle this mom very well. She mostly made me feel nervous and defensive. Grandma, on the other hand, was a professional at handling these types of situations. One night I was telling Grandma my woes about this little girl and her mother. She listened intently, then said, "I'll tell you what to do the next time she calls. You say, What can I do for you Mrs. So & so? How can I help? She will have no need to be defensive and by offering to help her, you'll be diffusing the situation." Peacemakers don't find fault, they are not defensive, they love and respect others. Grandma is a peacemaker. In that short conversation, she taught me that love and respect go a lot further than being right, that blaming others accomplishes little if anything, and that by serving others we can make peace.

I taught school for nearly 8 years after that experience, and the lesson I learned that night served me better than any education course I ever took. There are many other examples of Grandma as a peacemaker...and many Memory Mondays to post about them coming up. Until then...be a peacemaker!