I had the great opportunity to attend the Reno Bridal & Beauty Expo as a vendor this weekend, marketing my photography to potential brides and their entourages. It was a lot of fun. I love photography and I love photographing weddings. Unfortunately, I am a perfectionist and photography is not cut and dry, perfect or not. It is an art form. This is somewhat unfamiliar territory for a left-brainer like me. My greatest weakness in photography is my lack of consistent confidence. That's where Grandma comes in. She was my greatest fan. (I'm sure that every one of her children and grandchildren and grandpa and most of her friends can say the same thing.)
She would look at my pictures before I gave them to the bride and say, "Oh, Heidi, they're beautiful!" And she would say it in such a way that no one would dare dispute it. "They're just gorgeous! They'll be so pleased with these." In those moments, I felt like a perfect photographer.
I remember when I showed Grandma these pictures. She was sitting in my pink chair and she looked at the whole album...I think there were at least 200 prints. She loved them and I felt so good about the work I'd done. I felt confident to give them to the bride and know that she would love them, too. I was a perfect photographer.
Of course, there are many other instances in many other situations that Grandma was my biggest fan. But this is the one that stands out today, the one I miss the most today. I'm meeting tomorrow with a bride from Carson City who's getting married on a yacht on Lake Tahoe on June 20. Some days I just need my mom to tell me I'm good, to make me feel like the perfect photographer I want to be. I am grateful to have had a fan as great as my mom in my life. It makes me want to be a great fan of my children and husband and siblings and dad and others with whom I associate. I may never be a perfect photographer, but I can aspire to be a perfect fan.
I know that all of my siblings are reading these...and rarely commenting...so I am inviting you to share how Grandma was your biggest fan. It's okay if you cry...no one will know unless you tell them. I've been crying the whole time I've been writing this.
Comments from the original Nevada Brown post:
ReplyDeleteAnnalee: Heidi - this is so beautiful. Even I'm crying, and I never even met your mom. She sounds like a wonderful woman.
And you are a fantastic photographer!
April 6, 2009 8:40 AM
Lucinda: Heidi,
You are so much like your mom in that way. You have been my fan & encouraged me!!! You have been my inspiration. You are an AWESOME photographer AND FAN!!!
April 6, 2009 2:51 PM
Grandpa H: Mom has always supported me in about everything that I've decided to do. Although some of them came with a condition. My attending the Utah Police Acadamy comes to mind. "If you're going to do this you better be the best in your class" was her approving statement. Of course I didn't dare be anything but the best and graduated top of the class, was selected by my peers to give the class response and won the Utah Peace Officer's Outstanding Police Trainee Award. I didn't dare go home without it. She always had great expectatons for all of us and we just naturally rose to the occasion.
April 6, 2009 4:10 PM
Robbie: When I told Mom that I wanted to join the Army she was supportive and knew that we would have great adventures like our family did. When I told her I wanted to go to EOD school she got that cautious look on her face and was nothing but supportive even though I knew that she wasn't exactly sold on the idea. I know that she is proud of me.
April 6, 2009 5:03 PM
Heather: In January of this year, my company approached me with a great opportunity...to move to Oklahoma City and help bring our first proton center online. The move would be temporary, for about a year, but the timing was a little off. Jeff had just returned from Iraq and we were still settling in as a family. Jeff and I talked about it and he was very supportive as long as he didn't have to move. I was in Fallon over Martin Luther King weekend and was talking with mom about the idea. I asked her if I was crazy to even be considering it and she told me "no, it sounds like a lot of fun". Mom was right, I am having a lot of fun and Jeff and I and all the animals are handling the separation, at least in OKC no one is shooting at me. Thanks Mom!! She always knew what to say and gave us the little nudge we needed to experience growth.
April 7, 2009 9:14 AM
Sometimes we are our biggest critic. Heidi, your photography is amazing and so are you! Your mom knows best! :-)
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